Spud-u-like

Two female potatoes went to their Father with a request to marry the potato of their dreams. The Father potato asked the first potato who did she wish to marry. "Oh I intend to marry a King Edward" she replied. " Of course you can marry that potato" said the father. " A very good pedigree to join with".

He turned to the other daughter " Who do you wish to marry then my dear." " I have promised to marry Des Lynham " she answered. The father looked at her in horror.

You can't marry him my dear he is just a common tator.







...aNOtHEr dIp INtO ThE mAGpIE mEMOrY pOOoL.

Smile! it's Sunday

I challenge you NOT to be smiling when you are watching this :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vq6b9bMBXpg&feature=player_embedded.








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aNOtHEr dIp INtO ThE mAGpIE mEMOrY pOOoL.

Great Days Out No. 1 - The Land Of Lost Content

A terrific little museum in Shropshire we visited recently on the way to Knighton in Powys. Absolutely crammed full of stuff from old gas masks to phtos of Ken Dodd, ancient cereal packets and a jacket worn by Charlton Heston. It reminded me of the art installations of Bruce Lacey and Jeff Nuttall in the basement of Better Books in London in the 60's.

Charlie is my darlin'

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aNOtHEr dIp INtO ThE mAGpIE mEMOrY pOOoL.

A Feast of Posters

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aNOtHEr dIp INtO ThE mAGpIE mEMOrY pOOoL.

Sharing in Marriage

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.


He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the o ld woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked



'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered





(Continue below - This is great)





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."THE TEETH"
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aNOtHEr dIp INtO ThE mAGpIE mEMOrY pOOoL.

Financial Planning

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died,
he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an
investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,"
he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,
she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
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aNOtHEr dIp INtO ThE mAGpIE mEMOrY pOOoL.

Nervous Norvus

Another oddball singer who never really made much of an impression in the 50's. His biggest hit "Transfusion" is a bit of a cult classic. I love the mixture of rockabilly/skiffle with the cracked vocals and the sound effects.

Wikipedia says-

"Nervous Norvus was the performing name of Jimmy Drake (1912 in the Oakwood district of Los Angeles, California – July 24, 1968). His novelty song "Transfusion" was a major hit in 1956, as was a second song, "Ape Call," released later that year.

The lyrics in his song called "Transfusion" concern careless drivers who (cheerfully) receive blood transfusions after each accident. Graphic sounds of a car crash are included after each verse. Each stanza concludes with the refrain "Never never never gonna speed again" followed by lines such as "Slip the blood to me, Bud" or "Pour the crimson in me, Jimson." The song was banned on many radio stations of the '50s. The song was later played on the radio by DJ Barry Hansen, which reportedly led to Hansen's eventual nickname of Dr. Demento. A car crash sound effect from this song can be heard on "Dead Man's Curve" by Jan and Dean.

The song received a review from an unlikely source — personal-injury lawyer Melvin Belli — in his 1956 book Ready for the Plaintiff!, in which he says: "The ghoulish lyrics hiccup hysterically" but "wind up with a gem of jive-y wisdom that is strictly in the groove: 'Oh, barnyard drivers are found in two classes / Line-crowding hogs and speeding jackasses / So remember to slow down today!'" There was irony too, as Drake was employed as a truck driver, prior to his recording fame arising.

Nervous Norvus was born before World War I started, and was over 40 by the time he had his two hit singles in 1956. His records were made with input from radio personality Red Blanchard, to whom he was sending demos in the hope of finding an artist to record them. Blanchard had been an influence, particularly with the "jive" language employed in the lyrics.

After his brief time of glory, which amounted to less than six months, he concentrated on his demo service, providing music for other people's songs. He would charge around seven dollars to make these demos, some of which led to publishing contracts for the songwriters.

Contrary to popular belief, Drake was never a member of the Four Jokers. He was very shy and even turned down a chance to perform "Transfusion" on the Ed Sullivan Show. After a final single on the Dot record label ("The Fang" b/w "Bullfrog Hop"), the artist had his contract dropped. He only recorded sporadically thereafter for a series of independent labels like Embee ("Stoneage Woo" b/w "I Like Girls") and Big Ben, up to 1960. Nervous Norvus died in 1968 of cirrhosis of the liver, aged 56. A CD including hits and rare tracks, Stone Age Woo, was released by Norton Records in 2004. "Transfusion" also appears on Kenny Everetts' "The World's Worst record Show" (K-Tel label 1978)."


Nervous Norvus - Transfusion

Nervous Norvus - Kibble Kibble

Nervous Norvus - The Lean Green Vegetable Fiend

Nervous Norvus - I Hate Bugs

Barely Credible . . .

A Park Ranger was warning a group of tourists to Beware of the Bears in the Park.

"There are three types of bear hereabouts. The brown bear. The black bear. And the grizzly. You will not come across them very often. They are all quite secretive, and if you leave them alone, they will leave you alone. If you meet one, remember, they can outrun you. Stand still. Make yourself look as big as possible. Do not . . repeat DO NOT . . make eye contact. The bear will usually turn away. To be on the safe side, however, buy a pepper spray, availablle at the kiosk. Four dollars fifty. A good faceful of pepper sees them off"

One tourist asked "How can we tell if there are bears about?"

"Look out for their dropping on the trails." the Ranger replied.  "The brown bear's dropping are very like horse droppings.  The black bear's dropping are looser, and quite black, like he is. HaHa!  The grizzly is different.  He's a carnivore.  So his dropping may contain fragments of bone.  And smell strongly of pepper!"

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

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Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests itself:

I decide to check my email.

I look out of the window and the lawn looks dry.
So I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I head towards the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I picked up from the post man earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the recycling box under the table, and notice that the recycling box is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the recycling first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the postbox when I take out the recycling paper anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my cheque book off the table, and notice that there is only one cheque left.

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the cup of coffee I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the coffee asideso that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The coffee is getting cold, and I decide to make another cup.

As I head toward the kitchen with the cold coffee, a vase of flowers on the worktop catches my eye - the flowers need water.

I put the coffee on the worktop and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I put the glasses back down on the worktop, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote control. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I put the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The car isn't washed

The bills aren't paid

There is a cold cup of coffee sitting on the counter

The flowers don't have enough water,

There is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,and I'm really tired.

I realise this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

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aNOtHEr dIp INtO ThE mAGpIE mEMOrY pOOoL.